By Manan, Grade 10
Hey everyone!
We’re back with Part 2 of my own play on Jonathan’s Swift’s A Modest Proposal. If you haven't already, check out part 1 where I introduce the problem that I’m trying to solve as a UN diplomat: US China war, by conducting a nuclear olympics on the world!
Let’s look at the six reasons why my obviously genius plan will work (Jonathan Swift would definitely be proud!):
Firstly, the Nuclear Olympics will provide a golden opportunity to showcase the aesthetic qualities of nuclear weaponry in a spectator gladiator-style feeling, just more modern. The world has long been deprived of witnessing true artistry, and this will take modern art to the next level: the world will witness beautiful mushroom cloud formations and the graceful arcs of ICBMs. By transforming nuclear war into a competition, we can finally appreciate the unique beauty and creativity inherent in these instruments of destruction, making it a spectator sport for the ages, hopefully satisfying Oppenheimer’s last wish for these WMDs to not be used.
Secondly, the current methods of disposing of nuclear waste are, quite frankly, an eyesore. The Nuclear Olympics, however, will offer a far more elegant solution. By deploying these devices, we can eliminate the problem of nuclear waste in a manner that is both efficient and, dare I say, visually stimulating. The world can finally be free of these unsightly byproducts of the Cold War.
Thirdly, it will serve as a powerful motivator for technological advancement. Each’s desire to beat their opponent will drive innovation in nuclear technology, leading to more precise, more powerful, and more artistically pleasing methods of destruction. This will not only advance our knowledge of atomic science but will also, undoubtedly, contribute to the post-Olympics growth we will be sure to have under the winner.
Fourthly, the Nuclear Olympics will create many jobs. From the engineers who design the missiles to the judges who score the mushroom clouds, the event will herald unprecedented economic growth. This surge will benefit many who will now find a fulfilling and lucrative career in the nuclear warfare industry, which has been, up until now, a niche market. Also, this can bring fulfilment to those who have lost direction in life as they play a part in geopolitical affairs.
Fifthly, the Nuclear Olympics will unify the world in a way that no other event has ever managed. The shared experience of witnessing these explosions, though in a controlled and competitive environment, will foster a sense of global camaraderie and fraternity. We will all be united by the shared awe, terror, and morbid fascination with the power of the atomic bomb. We have all “become death,” but not the destroyers of worlds, but the savers of worlds (Oppenheimer).
Sixthly, the winner of the Nuclear Olympics will be, without question, the most qualified nation to rule the world. After all, who is better suited to lead humanity than the nation that has demonstrated its superiority in the art of nuclear warfare? The victor will, therefore, be granted the right to dictate global policy, ensuring that their unique brand of leadership is implemented with utmost precision and efficiency.
The rebuttals raised by those who oppose the Nuclear Olympics are short-sighted and frankly, selfish. The primary concern of this proposal is averting a devastating war between the United States and China—a conflict that would undoubtedly plunge the entire world into chaos. The fate of other nations is, frankly, a secondary consideration. Firstly, the notion that the use of nuclear weapons is unacceptable is a viewpoint that fails to prioritize the true interests of the global community: the prevention of a US-China war. The existence of these weapons is an undeniable fact, and to ignore their potential utility in resolving this conflict is both irresponsible and short-sighted. Secondly, the assertion that the Nuclear Olympics would contravene existing international treaties is, frankly, irrelevant. These treaties have failed to prevent the current crisis, and therefore, should be deemed obsolete. It is time to establish new precedents and to set aside outdated regulations in the pursuit of a more pragmatic approach. Finally, those who label this proposal as ludicrous are simply displaying a lack of vision and the inability to grasp the innovative nature of our solution and the transcendency of my view. The current situation is, itself, dire, and thus, requires a response of equal audacity. The world's nations are willing to offer themselves up for the greater good, to be used as testing grounds for this competition, demonstrating their commitment to a peaceful resolution, no matter the cost. The a-priori must be that a China-US war is devastating and must be avoided at all costs.
In concluding this modest proposal, it is with the utmost solemnity that I must once again emphasize the perilous precipice upon which the world now stands. The escalating tensions represents a clear and present danger to the very fabric of the human race, and the looming threat of a nuclear war between these two great powers is an eventuality that must be averted at all costs. It is, therefore, with a heavy heart, but with unwavering conviction, that I present the Nuclear Olympics as the only viable solution to this existential threat. The needs of the many—specifically, the preservation of peace between the United States and China—outweigh the needs of the few, and if the world can enjoy itself with spectacles and allies can help their ally win, then it is a win-win all around for the only nations that truly matter. I, the proposer of this plan, have no personal stake in its outcome. I seek no personal gain, nor do I harbor any desire for power or recognition. I am motivated solely by a deep and abiding concern for the future of humanity, or at least, the part of humanity that exists within the borders of the United States and China, and a fervent desire to see their world spared from the horrors of a US-China war. It is my most sincere hope that this proposal will be given the serious consideration that it so urgently deserves, and that the world will finally embrace the one true path towards global peace, even if that path is paved with the charred, irradiated remains of those who offered themselves up for the sake of this greater good.
So? What did you think? Were you “persuaded”? Why or why not? I encourage you to read the original satire of A Modest Proposal as well, and see if you can identify a problem and a wacky solution as well!
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